Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Canadian Cat Meat Marketing Board

This is the single most outrageous and upsetting thing that has ever happened to me. I am filled with outrage. My simple lunch of prunes in oatmeal, tea, and scotch, sits uneaten. I have no appetite for food, and can only tolerate liquids. My right foot is shaking, and no amount of massage with sandalwood scented massage oil and the talented fingers of Sonjia DeSade can soothe my righteous, er, leftard, outrage. Oh, how my ire is irked. Even my adorable house cat, Mister Whiskers, has fled to the sanctuary of his perch at the top of the front room curtains.

Throughout the internet, scolds are critical of that Kinsella guy for being a two faced pundit for making fun of some protected group. He is exposing them to hatred and should be hauled up by the HRC except that he is a member of the aristocracy. But the real issue is the hatred directed at legitimate consumers of cat meat. Just because our evil heteronormative Christian Canadians did not eat cat, somehow it is wrong. Well, let us realize that just because the white racists do not eat cat that does not mean that anyone who eats cat is wrong, or bad, or not to be given handouts.

Lots of people do eat cat. They also eat dog, goldfish, and gum from the underside of library tables. It is wrong to judge people based on the standards of other cultures, especially if that culture is somehow white, christian, heteronormative, or values the work ethic. So when someone suggests that eating house cat, or dog, or worms, is wrong, well, like that restaurant guy that wants to have his employees wash their hands after they get feces on their fingers, they are racists.

It is time for the Liberal party to rally behind the forces of political correctness and embrace diversity and listen to the voices. Liberals, listen to the voices. Eating cat is not 'wrong'. Just because the racists who pay taxes disapprove is no reason to not seize this opportunity to undermine western culture. I call upon those who are political brothers, sisters, and othersexuals of Kinsella to support his right to say whatever he wants without responsibility, and to extend that fundamental human right to all members of designated groups, so that those that pay taxes can learn to shut up and celebrate freedoms for some but not all. This is the politically correct way.

A large bureaucracy is called for. Jobs for activists, devoid of the evils of ability. Hiring based on race, color, or creed. Renumeration divorced from accountability. This entity shall be called the Canadian Cat Meat Marketing Board, and it shall have its finger in every pie. From organic cat meat producers, to sustainable cat meat cat food producers, to research grants to ivory tower pencil pushers who produce nothing, all taxspenders shall wallow in the funding, and the evil racists who grumble about the squandering of resources shall be pushed deeper into oblivion through socialist taxation.

Support the Canadian Cat Meat Marketing Board. Jobs for activists. Taxes for everyone else.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.

xpd Mitchieville, DustMyBroom, The London Fog