Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Dearth Day 2008

I’d call it Earth Day except that I know that all we are going to hear today is doom and gloom, so why not call it Dearth Day? We can't really say Happy Earth Day because that would imply optimism, and we can't have that.

Al Gore is very annoyed that we haven't completely changed our lifestyles and gone back to banging the rocks together as we reduce our carbon usage to zero. I'm sure he'll be jetting off somewhere to preach the gospel to the masses.

Dr. Fruitfly on the Left Coast will no doubt be telling us how to save the world by using compact flourescent lights. (Prediction for 2018: Suzuki warns Canadians about mercury polution from compact flourescent lamps, blames Big Energy for this new terror.)

CBS will undoubtedly do a repeat of last year's Earth Day Extravaganza, sending journalists jetting around the globe, spewing carbon to help us understand the dangers of spewing carbon.

What you won't hear anywhere in the media is that, for the 10th year in a row, we have not exceeded 1998 temperatures. You also won't hear that its gotten COOLER in the past few years.

So I wish you Happy Dearth Day, there will be no good news today, all reason has been suspended by order of the Church of Deep Green. And remember, its now officially a sin to cause harm to the planet.

PS: Happy Birthday Vladimir Ilyich Lenin, born April 22, 1870.