Wednesday, March 12, 2008

There's no "I" in "Equity"

Oh, hang on a moment, there is one … smack in the middle.

After former premier Mike Harris expunged the word from ministry documents in 1996, Ontario Education Minister Kathleen Wynne announced on Sunday that "equity" would be restored to the province's public schools — that, or $43 million to hire social workers and psychologists, whichever comes first.

According to Ms. Wynne, "[w]e have to introduce that so teachers, parents and kids can function in this diverse society," presumably meaning that a majority of the province's population has not functioned since 1996, and that it took her ministry almost five years to notice. Equity will be allowed to take the place of literacy in Ontario schools, as the Minister of Education has clearly demonstrated her capacity to function without any ability to string words together to form a meaningful sentence. Similarly, voters are apparently still expected to be able to function in their capacity to elect Ms. Wynne without the ability to grasp that fact.

The ministry will be assisted in its reinstatement of university-speak for "we need jobs for our pointless social science degrees" by Dr. Karen Mock — from accounts, a qualified expert on the subject.