Friday, January 11, 2008

"Everyone, please -- we must know what it is we're supposed to be afraid of!"

We all like to think of the ground as being solid beneath our feet. We like to believe that the timeless crashing of waves on the shore is something that will continue forever. But did you know that the continents are now moving, and that unless Uncle Sam is stopped, the Atlantic Ocean will grow to gigantic proportions, and the Pacific Ocean will one day disappear altogether?

The People's Cube alerts us to the newest way the world will end unless the economies of America and its allies are destroyed -- Anthropogenic Continental Drift.

The continents rest on massive tectonic plates. Until the beginning of the Industrial Revolution in the mid 18th century, these plates were fixed in place and immobile. However, drilling for oil and mining for minerals has cut these plates loose from their primordial moorings and left them to drift aimlessly. "The potential for damage is truly catastrophic," said Hans Brinker, a spokesman for the International Panel on Continental Drift (IPCD). "The continents are adrift due to the ruthless capitalist exploitation of the environment for profit. Unless immediate steps are taken to halt all oil and mineral extraction, we can expect a massive surge in earthquakes and volcanos by next Tuesday." The representative seemed close to tears during his announcement, a clear indicator of the severity of the threat.
Read the whole thing. You, too, will find yourself close to tears, and asking yourself what principalities and powers will lend a hand to help Mankind fight the evils of continental drift.