Wednesday, August 15, 2007

"This is a health and safety issue"

If you are a clown in Britain, you may want to consider leaving the country, along with approximately 4000 other citizens seeking to leave the Nanny State capital every week.

Barney Baloney said he was told by bosses at a supermarket where he was booked to appear that he should leave his balloons at home because of the potential for allergic reactions.

The 47-year-old entertainer, also known as Tony Turner, has previously had to ditch his bubble-making machine because he could not get public liability insurance as companies assessed that youngsters might slip and hurt themselves.

He said he was also told by one venue he could not twist balloons into the shape of guns for fear of encouraging youngsters to commit violence, although swords were deemed acceptable.
If Mr. Turner is unable to leave the country, I would suggest he contact Fenris Badwulf at his earliest convenience. For a fee, Fenris can help this oppressed member of the clown guild seek reparations for loss of livelihood and emotional pain and suffering.

Also appearing at Mitchieville, because the sooner Barney Baloney stops crying, the better.


Elaine said...

I am going to say something that will more than likely have me pulled before the star chamber, but I don't care.

Don't you think we have enough clowns here in Canada? This country is over run by clowns. They will soon be wanting their own clown churches and schools. They will fight for the right to blow their little annoying horns, and hit each over the head with rubber hammers as it is part of their clown culture. We will have to hire teachers who are versed in mime to communicate with their children. There will be a menace on the road riding their unicycles down Highbury Ave, careening in between cars as they show off their clown skills.

Just say NO to the clowns, our government is a disaster because of them.

Mike said...

It's too bad that the Clown community is the object of such hate.

Clowns will not be respected until they begin to follow the example of the Prophet John Wayne Gacy, PBUH.

When making a clown cry may result in a spate of random sex torture murders, everyone will be very careful to laugh with them and not at them. Arts and social sciences graduates of the non-clown persuasion will take and give direction of their own accord, as is their role in life.

Hospital staff in the Lothians have been told not to eat at their desks to avoid offending Muslim colleagues during Ramadan.

Elaine said...

..and they will do it, just because they are taught they should feel guilty for not observing and respecting nuttier than a fruitcake rituals of strange religious cults.

I have never seen a naked clown, but by their clothing it is obvious they have big arses. I must admit I am not versed in the bathroom rituals of clowns, but I imagine it is very hard for them to wipe those big arses. We just know they will be demanding a bidet in every college and university campus in Canada.

I am allergic to the smell of popcorn. Does my allergy trump a clown's right to bring it to school in their sandwiches?

Elaine said...

... and what about the streetscape? The heritage fanatics here in London will go bonkers, those Barnum and Bailey Circus tents won't fit in.

...and Peta!!! they'll be arrested for protesting the circuses. Afterall it is a clown's god given right passed blessed by the Prophet John Wayne Gacy to worship at the alter of the three ring circus.

You know how clowns like to squirt people with that little flower they have on their vest, it is a big part of their religious culture....well imagine if they try that in Toronto on our gansta culture.... hell they will shoot the clowns. Toronto will be known as dead clown town.

Religious cultural differences cause so much angst.

I think some government party in Canada should start working towards separating church and state.