Friday, June 22, 2007

Spread The Wealth

Don't worry, ad agencies, there's Green for you in this fake-ass crisis too!

Maybe David Suzuki can illuminate and levitate light bulbs through sheer awareness-power, but I am fallen, a denier, no less, and I have to rely on the old fashioned environmentally unfriendly methods. I would just end up dropping the bulb on my floor, and having to vacuum up all that mercury and dump it in my compost heap. What a hassle!

Maybe David Suzuki could come by my house and teach me how to run my air conditioner like that non stop this summer. Maybe if someone dangled some green technology research money in front of me, I could learn to care hard enough and visibly enough to teach you how to do it too.

If not, I guess I'll just have to use my share of Ontario Hydro. I plan to use the hell out of it this summer, to celebrate humankind's amazing technical achievement of controlling the indoor climate. Will you join me?

Let's go full blast, Ontario! You have the power, and you're going to pay for it anyways, so stay cool!


eng said...

Let's go full blast, Ontario!

I remember years ago, Ontario Hydro would push for all-electric homes, to increase power usage, and therefore their profit.

They always found that when the rates went up, people would use less, and they would have another expensive programme to boost consumption.

Now all they need to do is put up a couple of billboards, and a number of people will actually increase their consumption, even as the rates go through the roof.

Thank you for volunteering to pay more and being apparently happy to do. You're certainly showing the rest of us, while Hydro laughs all the way to the bank.

Lisa said...


Hydro laughs all the way to the bank no matter how much you waste or conserve.

Elaine said...

I drove out to Walmart to get one of those smokeless, fireless green logs to take as a token gift to the glowtardian party last night. I missed the party on account of it took me so long to get there and back because I shut the truck off at every light as not to get a ticket for idling.

Another reason I couldn't make it was because of the amount of glowtardians shopping for green shit at Walmart. Their carts were stuffed with green eveything. Green toys, green food, green household cleaners and insecticides. The glowtardian babies crying and hitting each other because they had to wait in line with their parental units for a long, long time. It was nuts, busier than a bingo hall on welfare day.

I was taken my life in my hands grabbing for a Prophet Suzuki light bulb, and a pair of green pj bottoms. I don't know if you can wash the pj's or not, they are made out of some biodegradable new fangled earth friendly man-made chemical, trademark of Walmart.

I get home late, much to late to attend the glowtardian fire/ top-secret meeting to destroy the economy and take over the world.

It was dark when I get home so I had to struggle in the dark to take the prophet Suzuki light bulb out of its package. I hold it in my hand, just like the prophet in the picture, and wait for it to turn on. NOTHING HAPPENS!

I am thinking I am doing something wrong. Maybe I don't believe enough, maybe the glowtardian gods know I ridicule them at every opportunity I get.

I make up a little glowtardian prayer song,"father Suzuki, give me light, give me light, make me right, help me make it through the night." Again NOTHING!

Finally I just say fuck it and turn on the light switch in the kitchen, realizing a glowtardian I will never be.

mariposa said...

I've heard ads (read government propaganda) asking us to go easy on the air conditioning on the really hot days. What a joke! That's the only time I use it - when it's really hot!

A while back I remember hearing - I think it was in Toronto - that hydro rates were going up because people were doing such a good job of conserving that usage was down and Hydro wasn't making as much money.

So I'm with you Mike, let's all crank up the cool. We're going to pay more no matter what; we might as well be comfortable doing it.

John Nicklin said...

mariposa; you are suposed to run your AC on cold days to ice up your dwelling, then when the heat piles on, the melting ice will keep you cool. Everyone knows that using the AC on hot days will cool the environment, bringing on another ice age, shame on you!

John Nicklin said...

And for David Suzuki... Jackass!

Elaine said...

Nothing like reading the glowtardian debate, on population control/human cull, over at London commons to make one thankful they don't belong to that foolish religion.

One camp of the glowtardian cult hysterical, calling for the immediate cease to immigration, and the other camp demanding they all give up worldly possessions and create schools to teach other glowtardians how to shit in the woods. They are even talking about implementing hari kari amongst its members. The ultimalte sacrafice to the glowtardian gods.

It is downright ghoulish because many folk at London commons make or made their living, pimping the poor. Now all of sudden they have to come up with a plan to rid the earth of the poor.

Does anyone else find it strange that there is no crying from the left on poverty in Canada, since the birth of the glowtardian religion.

Elaine said...

It has been pointed out before the similarities between the islamist and the glowtardians. Both cults tend to focus on the need for oppression and selective breeding control.

Both of these extremist groups cheered with the destruction and death caused by 9/11. It appeared at the time for totally different reasons, but I am thinking perhaps not.

It is cause for concern that both extremist groups have so much in commmon. I am thinking, it won't be much longer until the glowtardians take on the cowardly suicide bombing tactics of the islamist. Right now they are only suggesting suicide amongst it members to save the planet, only a small step to strapping a bomb on themselves and going after what they deem as evil capitalist.

I hope the powers that be are keeping a close watch on both groups of these extremist nutbars.

Elaine said...


I just know there will be glowtardians out there lining up for this one.

For only $25.oo London hydro is willing to put a device on your airconditioner that turns it down, or off, during peak heat periods through the day. Please control me I am dumb.

Out of the goodness of their hearts they are willing to control the climate in your home.

..SLAP, SLAP..."father Suzuki, give me light, give me light, make me right, help me make it through the night."

mariposa said...

Oh ya, I heard about that one, Elaine. I'm gonna rush right out and plunk down $25 for the privilege of giving them more control over me than they already have. Sure. Don't hold your breath, London Hydro. Anyone dumb enough to sign up for that one should consider sterilization so they don't pass on the dipshit gene.