Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Help save the planet: sign up for free carbon offsets

Why pay for carbon credits when you can get them for free.

Q: How can you do this for free?

A: We at FreeCarbonOffsets.com feel strongly that carbon offsets should be available to everyone, regardless of ability to pay. We will take the steps to see that the offsets that you acquire through us are properly channeled. We can do it because we care.

Q: What exactly will you do for my carbon offsets?

A: There are several steps we will take to do our part to help the environment, based on your level of participation:

1-100 offsets: We will try our hardest to turn off the water for an extra ten seconds while we brush our teeth.

101-1000 offsets: We will think about possibly using one less square of toilet paper every time we use the rest room. So you don't have to!

1001-10000 offsets: At this level, we will think about not going out to lunch for one day. Gas savings, plus savings on one less burger made that day!

10000+ offsets: Premium offsets. We will consider not taking a shower for a whole week!
HT: A Dog named Kyoto.


Former Londoner said...

I am calling on the government to set up a national carbon offset program to provide free carbon offsets to everyone in Canada, regardless of their ability to pay.

With socialized carbon offsets, everyone will be able maintain, or even increase their carbon footprints, and we can all feel good knowing that we have met our Kyoto commitments.

Elaine said...

Former Londoner, I suggest you put in to the government for a charitable number. I can see people lining up to donate money to your cause. It will start off that you only need a couple of people working in your office collecting donations, and then voila, it turns into a money making venture. You know how these things tend to grow. The next thing you know you will be sitting pretty with a couple of million and you don't want to have to claim that money. Another route you could try is to claim you are a religion and gain a tax-free status. You could make tons of money on the side for the cause by laundering money for terrorist organizations. All and all, it a wonderful thing you are doing by volunteering your time to help the carbon credit poor sheeple, and the earth.

Little Tobacco said...

Put me down for a trillion to start