Thursday, March 1, 2007

Sleepers, Wake!

Those still in doubt that Caring About Climate Change is a substitute religion, and a comical one at that, should check out the lyrics to Melissa Etheridge's Oscar-winning "I Need To Wake Up", the closing hymn of "An Inconvenient Truth".

Have I been sleeping?
I’ve been so still
Afraid of crumbling
Have I been careless?
Dismissing all the distant rumblings
Take me where I am supposed to be
To comprehend the things that I can’t see

Cause I need to move
I need to wake up
I need to change
I need to shake up
I need to speak out
Something’s got to break up
I’ve been asleep
And I need to wake up

And as a child
I danced like it was 1999
My dreams were wild
The promise of this new world
Would be mine
Now I am throwing off the carelessness of youth
To listen to an inconvenient truth

I am not an island
I am not alone
I am my intentions
Trapped here in this flesh and bone

O mighty volcano god
Cast not your lava of rage
Upon our diverse community
My heart is pure now, my gold has gone unto your temple
Please accept this virgin sacrifice
As we grasp the fabric of reality

I want to change
I need to shake up
I need to speak out
Oh, Something’s got to break up
I’ve been asleep
And I need to wake up
OK, I made up the last verse. It would be just plain silly to believe in volcano gods in this cynical day and age. Everybody would suspect that the volcano priests were really just hoarding the gold and that the virgins would no longer be virgins by the time they were thrown into the volcano. People are too sciencey for that sort of thing now, especially with no public awareness campaigns backing it up using the scientifically validated principles of repetition and confirmation bias.

"Community"/"reality" is, however, a better rhyme than "inconvenient truth"/"carelessness of youth".


Honey Pot said...

Where do I find a calculator to calculate my carbon emmissions? I was thinking I should be keeping track of them. I don't want the carbon emmission creditors to be after me for over emitting.

How many carbon emmissions are we allowed in a month? What happens if we emit too much? Do we have to go into a confession box and have Prophet Suzuki forgive us? What would the repentence be, won't be money because there will be no jobs for us grunts.

What would one say to the Prophet Suzuki.....forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been two days since my last fart. I drove, instead of walking the five miles to the organic soup kitchen, because I didn't want to miss the tofu hotdogs and wormy apples. I know I am a sinner, throw me to the volcano gods, so the tree-hugging, leaf-eating new puritians can live in harmony.

Honey Pot said...

Green answer blowing in windBy Caroline Overington

February 17, 2007 02:00pm
Article from: The Austrailian

IF you own a cat, you know the smelly truth: they break wind and it's foul. Not only that, it harms the planet.

All forms of flatulence – from cats, dogs, even from Dad – contain methane, a greenhouse gas thought to contribute to climate change.

If you've been feeling guilty about it, help is at hand. For just $8, a Sydney-based company, Easy Being Green, can now make your cat carbon-neutral, so it can "live guilt-free for a year".

Make no mistake, the cat will still smell, and its emissions will still contain methane, but Easy Being Green vows to spend the $8 you give them on products such as energy-saving light bulbs and water-saving shower heads that reduce emissions elsewhere (if not in your own backyard).

The scheme can be applied to any product, animal or person. For $20, the company made Jenny Cracknell into a "carbon-neutral granny" last year. Her daughter, Emily, gave her a gift certificate to offset two years' worth of flatulence.

"I don't like to brag, but I actually don't have much flatulence," Mrs Cracknell said.

"But when I do, I feel okay about it, because the damage to the planet has been offset."

Carbon credits, carbon certificates and carbon offsets are serious currency, generating a worldwide income thought to exceed $300 million a year as Westerners panic not about the spread of wealth across the globe, but about their carbon footprints – the impact of their lives on the planet.

Easy Being Green's chief executive (and main shareholder) Paul Gilding – formerly head of Greenpeace International – said the system of carbon trades made it possible for ordinary families to do something "about the pressing problem of our time".

Customers agree that it makes them feel good. Take Sally Treeby and her husband, Stephen Dunne, of Balgowlah Heights in Sydney's northern beaches. They have a four-wheel drive, two children – George, 3, and Olivia, 1, both of whom wear disposable nappies – and take three interstate trips annually.

Easy Being Green used a complicated mathematical formula to value the family's "footprint" at $600 a year, so Mr Dunne bought $600 worth of "carbon credits" for his wife for her birthday.

Ms Treeby said: "When the children ask us, what did you do when the planet was warming, we will at least have a decent answer for them. We don't say we are doing enough (although the family also has water tanks and compost). But I have to tell you, it was more gratifying than a new pair of shoes."

But Australian Conservation Foundation climate change campaigner Tony Mohr is sceptical of the scheme.

"If people want to help the planet, the very first thing they should do is reduce their emissions. Second, they should buy renewable energy, be more energy efficient. Only after that should you think of offset," he said.

...friggen Aussie's stole my idea.

I am going to have to go to plan B, the ass gas catcher. I am trying to find a partner to help me store the ass gas, and resell it for heating your homes.

The ass gas catcher made from recycled plastic bags can be yours for the small price of $75.00. For the premium model with an A&P, or Superstore logo is only an extra $25.00 more. Look for your Honey Pot ass gas catcher's at all Walmart and Canadian Tire stores.

The ass gas catcher is a trademark belonging to Honey Pot.

...back off Aussie's, this one is mine!

basil said...

Here's a list of people I think when I think environmentally friendly:

Participating bands and singers for Live Earth include Sheryl Crow, Melissa Etheridge, John Mayer, Corinne Bailey Rae, Snoop Dogg, Duran Duran, Black Eyed Peas, Fall Out Boy, Kelly Clarkson, Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, Lenny Kravitz, Akon and Korn. Live Earth serves as a launching pad for Save Our Selves (SOS): The Campaign for a Climate in Crisis, a new pro-environmental awareness organization.

"Save our selves" - no shit! Must be tough bringing entertainment to the people on a world wide scale, touring in hybrid and sleeping in a tent. Oops, I forgot, these hippycrites can write off their gigantic rock'n'roll life style carbon footprint by participating this grand spectacle.

Live music performances will take place on every continent, including Antarctica. Host cities include Shanghai, Sydney, Johannesburg and London. Additional performers and locales will be announced as plans are firmed up.

Jamming on Antarctica . . . wow. Do penguins really rock'n'roll? Are there enough people there to fill a coffee house? Is there a race to see which rock star can leave the first footprint there?