Thursday, March 29, 2007

Food Fight

As usual, the Mayor of Mitchieville is using his power to bully the taxpaying residents into submission. In response to a recent challenge to Lisa by Reg regarding their respective culinary talents, the Mayor steps in and declares himself the winner of other people's efforts.

Here is how to prepare a wonderful bowl of The Mayor's famous Cap't Crunch cereal. You may want to take notes.

The first thing you will need for this delicacy is a big bowl. Plastic will do, but bowls can be expensive, so I suggest just ripping the top off the cereal box. The second thing you will need is a mouth shovel. Spoons are bad for the environment, and I'll be damned if I let you leave a carbon footprint on my momma earth, so you can just use an old discarded Tim Horton's cup. Just walk outside, you'll see one within 1 second.

Next, you will need some milk. One thing that runneth over at the food bank is milk. They're drowning in the shit, so that's not going to be a problem. Only thing is, it's powdered milk, so you're going to need some water. Time might be of the essence, so here's what to do. Using your Tim Horton's disgusting cup, scoop out three heaping cups worth of powdered milk and put into cereal box. Secondly, turn on tap and fill it 3/4 of the way up the cereal box. Finally, hold the top down and shake the box furiously, like it's a crying baby...no, you need to shake it harder than that, pretend you're a British nanny and you're taking care of a red-headed child. That's right, shake the life out of that bad bastard.

Now you are set to enjoy the greatest, cheapest meal you have ever had in your life. Cap't Crunch is chock full of minerals and rocks, powdered milk gives you a healthy dose of calcium, and the old Tim Horton's cup probably had some coffee residue, so you'll get a nice jolt of caffeine.
The Mayor can be safely ignored, as I purchased carbon credits from Fenris to offset my trip for rations. I hereby challenge Reg to match my Kidney Bean Paneer.

1 Comment:

Reg said...

I have to top your kidney bean paneer? I thought you said that this would be "a challenge". I accept your (sniker) challenge.

Your going down Lisa and your going down hard.