Friday, January 12, 2007

Weather gods placated by new Minister

Throughout history, all societies have understood that weather is influenced by ritual, sacrifice, and faith. Only Western man has lost touch with these ancient and inconvenient truths, under a barrage of corporate propaganda.

Still, there is hope. With the help of public education and science, many are beginning to reopen their eyes and understand every falling snowflake to be a sign of our reprieve, a sign that global warming may yet be stopped with the right combination of sacrifices and chants. It takes very wise men to understand the scientifically gathered data, interpret the omens correctly, and implement the right policies.

Canadians were concerned about the Conservatives' apparent lack of reverence for the weather gods, fearing that their unwillingness to order the necessary sacrifices would hasten climate change. But for once, the truth is convenient.

Mean temperatures across the reviewed cities have dropped by an average of almost 8 degrees Celsius since John Baird became Minister of the Environment. This is a welcome reversal of global warming.
At first glance, Stephen Harper made the right decision by appointing John Baird in hopes of finding some means of ensuring that the wheel of the seasons continues to turn.

But as you will see by following that link, the picture becomes murkier and more troubling to the scientific mind when this scientific data is plugged into a scientific model. Hopefully Baird knows what he's doing, or this planet could be in a lot of trouble by the middle of March.

3 comments:

Fenris Badwulf said...

This post made me cry.

Thucydides said...

This must be the most effective government program of all time! Now we will hear dreadful predictions of glaciers at Dundas and Younge St (or Dundas and Richmond for the parochial) by June or July.

I havn't laughed so hard since the Budget meeting

Honey Pot said...

good one! hahaha