Sunday, October 22, 2006

Street Prophet of Babylondon

Is global cooling or global warming upon us? Concerned about poverty in Africa? Should you choose prunes or bran? Wondering where to draw the line between sharing and selfishness? Need someone else to tell you how to think?

Coming soon to a street corner near you:

The ubiquitous Street Prophet has returned from high atop Boler Mountain to once again indulge his appetite for Earthly ways. But even great prophets must earn a living in the world of man, so our intrepid sage has set up an itinerant street ministry in the downtown core of Babylondon to answer these questions and more.

Wandering from curb to curb, as in the glorious tradition of Socrates, Buddha and likewise inspired men - in an obscene Lysol inspired stream of conciousness rant with only his hat and his words to provide for him - Basil is offering pearls of wisdom free of charge (alms and a drink are always appreciated but not required).

Who is this spiritual master you ask? What are his transcendental credentials? This is his story:

WHEN Basil was thirty years old, he left his home and the lake of his home, and climbed to the upper most peak of Boler Mountain. There he enjoyed his spirit and his solitude, and for thirty years did not weary of it. But at last his heart changed, - and rising one morning with the rosy dawn, he went before the sun, and spake thus unto it:

Thou great star! What would be thy happiness if thou hadst not those for whom thou shinest!

For thirty years hast thou climbed hither unto my cave: thou wouldst have wearied of thy light and of the journey, had it not been for me, mine eagle, and my serpent.

But we awaited thee every morning, took from thee thine overflow, and blessed thee for it.

Lo! I am weary of my wisdom, like the bee that hath gathered too much honey; I need hands outstretched to take it.

I would fain bestow and distribute, until the wise have once more become joyous in their folly, and the poor happy in their riches.

Therefore must I descend into the deep: as thou doest in the evening, when thou goest behind the sea, and givest light also to the nether-world, thou exuberant star!

Like thee, I must go down - as men, to whom I shall descend, call it.

Bless me, then, thou tranquil eye, that canst behold even the greatest happiness without envy!

Bless the cup that is about to overflow, that the water may flow golden out of it, and carry everywhere the reflection of thy bliss!

Lo! This cup is again going to empty itself, and Basil is again going to be a man.

Thus began Basil's down-going.
Have a question to ask but too afraid to seek out this wise man in person on the insurgency ravaged streets of downtown Babylondon? Now you can ask the London Fog's Street Prophet. Send in your questions or leave a comment and we'll publish them here with one of Basil's Lysol induced diatribes which may or may not address your question!

Go ahead. Ask Basil now. Send us your money. We accept paypal. Be sure to remember Fenris too.

19 comments:

Pietr said...

Like the great, blessed Basil, I too live in a cave. But with neighbours.
I will make a contribution.
And this is it.
Unless I find myself wringing my hands at the Last Drop.
In which case I may contribute a Kilkenny.

Lisa said...

Oh great prophet Basil. A Chinese restaurant has recently offered me $400 for my cat. My cat annoys me, and I could use the cash, but PETA tells me it is evil to kill spiders, let alone to pass over your cat for material gain, knowing that the cat will soon turn into supper for a few wealthy patrons.

What should I do? A quick cost / benefit analysis of the situation reveals I have sunk way more than $400 into the maintenance of this cat creature. Should I cut my loses, and cash in before the creature becomes too decrepit to yield even a case of beer, or should I keep feeding it because PETA tells me it is right?

basil said...

I too have heard that it is evil to kill spiders. I have found a compromise: I let them live by windows, doors, sinks and other high traffic areas, and get rid of them when they appear over my bed.

Maximinus Thrax said...

I train spiders to carry out a variety of small insect sized war elephant attacks, using terpentine based insect pheremones. It is easy and fun using common household products like toothpaste.

Pietr said...

PS-great photo, mister Basil!But what are you doing with a Tesco bag?Have you recently walked the hallowed ground of Englitz?
And should I shake the dust from my feet when leaving?

basil said...

She had . . . She had . . . wonderful breasts . . . I remember . . . they were wonderful . . . wouldn't gimme the time a day now . . . Nope she was a real princess . . . wonderful breasts . . . a real princess she was . . .

Pietr said...

Not surprised mate.Still it happens to all of us in the end.

Pietr said...

While I'm at it, 'Basil' reminds me of two people;in the choice of words, David Fox, late of London Business School(now the European Business School-doncha just love it?),and the commander in Dances With Wolves.
You know, the one who sends Costner to the Indian posting and then shoots himself.
As for his 'contributions', I can only imagine that Mike,Lisa and Mapmaster tolerate him out of some misplaced historical sentiment.

Nevertheless I look forward to finally meeting this person on one of my visits to Ontario;all will then become clear.

Perhaps I'll have him for lunch.
With a nice Chianti.

basil said...

. . . page three . . . I swear . . . beautiful . . . eyes . . . you could squeeze . . .
. . . fuck. Fuck! FUCK!!!!!
So fucking what.
So fuck.
What?
Mommy?
Yeah, tell your mommy.
Your fucking mommy.
Mmmmm.
Errrr . . .
ehuhhhh . . .
PIG'S ASSHOLE!!!!!

Pietr said...

Sheer poetry.
And 'Mommy' has been keeping watch over my favourite squeeze for about a decade now.
I don't need to tell her twice.
She already knows.
Enjoy talking about looking at pictures of breasts.
You must be a hell of a guy.
Just let me know if Mike revokes his invitation.

basil said...

Mike has never given me his invitation . . .

basil said...

Mike hasn't let me hang around ever since I stole his Scope.

basil said...

. . . I mean, ever since he suspected me of stealing his Scope. I didn't really steal it. I've never thought of Scope as something you can steal . . . I mean, if you've not got the bottle to your lips, you're obviously not rinsing your mouth with it . . . so if a guy just leaves it on the counter in the bathroom, he's obviously finished using it . . . and if another guy picks it up and uses a little bit of it, he's not really stealing, so I helped myself to what was left . . . no big deal.

Pietr said...

Well as co-owner of the site you wouldn't need one would you?

Pietr said...

Incidentally, what were you doing hanging around somebody elses bathroom? Escaping from a fox-hunt?

basil said...

Not dodging a fox-hunt exactly - I was going to raid the medicine cabinet for opiate-based medication or anti-anxiety pills, but forgot why I entered in my excitment upon finding the Scope unattended on the counter.

Pietr said...

By the way, who is this woman with the 'wonderful breasts', and when are you going to post some pictures so we can all see?

Trevor said...

Lisa, I have flagged this blog. The insinuation that Chinese Canadians would eat cat, or worse yet, serve cat in a restaurant is racist.

I only have my doubts about this blog's respect for the homeless and/or those with disabilities. And your discussion of animal cruelty only reveals yourself to be tasteless, if not cold-hearted.

But I am certain that what you have said about Chinese Canadians is offensive and hurtful, and racism like this cannot be justified.

Lisa said...

Trevor;

Apparently you do not have a sense of humor. Your comment doesn't even merit a response, but I don't appreciate someone who has never met me labeling me as a racist and animal hater, especially considering the context of the comment. If I had said Canadian restaurant instead of Chinese restaurant, would you say I was racist against Canadians?

I will point out also that some Chinese restaurants have been known to serve cat. That is a fact, but it does not mean that I believe all Chinese people eat cat, and it certainly doesn't make me a racist.

I'll point out further that I am a vegetarian and I take good care of my cat.