Thursday, June 15, 2006

Your landfill needs YOU!

Despite tens of billions of dollars allocated to education and enforcement of London's waste diversion program, and the unquestionably selfless vigilance of the much anticipated 10,000-strong force of unionized garbage stormtroopers, scraps of officially designated recyclables will continue to make their clandestine way into landfills from the households of uncaring and heartless right-wingers, thus exposing innocent London children to the imminent threats of global warming and tepid holistic beverages at Storybook Gardens. Even with all the city's official watchful eyes hard at work, they need your help to snoop on your un-Gaia-ly heteronormative neighbours.

Fortunately, Fenris Badwulf at Mitchieville constantly sacrifices his time for the common good and has produced a primer for the aspiring tattletale. To cite just one inspiring example:

7) Paper, cardboard, and cellulose materials must be sorted by size, shape, color and density. Seperate piles arranged in mass sequence, bundled with hemp twine and labelled with an approved Paper-Cardboard-Cellulose Label using an approved Vegetarian-Ink marker, should be aligned with respect to all known religious beliefs concerning Paper-Cardboard-Cellulose recycling.
Get started on your training today and get to know the friendly caring bureaucrats at your local Garbage Central Authority.