Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The Insurgency Will Win.

As Ontario moves ever closer to civil war, heroic insurgents are proving the racist character of Canadian public life. By showing that their racial privileges allow them to feel the ecstacy of tearing up roads without being shot like members of lesser races, these militants in the anti-racist struggle have demonstrated that there is one law for White-Canadians, and one law for Bandanna-Canadians. Much as sympathetic White-Americans once went to the back of the bus to show solidarity with their Negro-American brothers, the Bandanna-Canadians destroy fundamental transportation infrastructure to illustrate the inequality of a system that still denies White-Canadians the same freedom.

I'm grateful to my Bandanna-Canadian brothers. The pain of racial discrimination is real, and it lingers like the slavemaster's whip across my back, like the sting of a peace pipe knocked from between my lips.

Not one week ago, Basil and I were out with a pick, a sledgehammer, tweezers, two buckets of water, and a tape measure, performing scientific experiments on the two well-known Oxford Street potholes named "Theseus" and "Minotaur" by the locals. The aim was to settle an argument about the relative ages of these potholes.

Basil's hypothesis was that Theseus had formed before Minotaur. We were attempting to investigate this by comparing the car-paint flecks embedded at each pothole stratum against the relative popularities of car colourings over the past twenty-five years. By so doing we planned to discover which pothole was the elder "inverse heritage monument". (And, truth be told, feel a little frisson of the sheer joy of tearing up pavement.)

Only a small amount of excavation with pick and hammer would have been needed to get enough samples from each stratum. But we hadn't counted on the lingering effects of discrimination against the ethnically challenged. We were stopped almost immediately, pick in the air, by two London police officers. They informed us in a "polite" voice that we were about to commit a crime. "You fucking pigs," I answered, "you're standing in the way of science! Fuck you!"

The officers didn't see fit to respond, and instead stood with arms folded until we slunk off into the night, burning with shame. But the shame would have been that much greater if we'd known that we'd been stopped because of racism. Kudos to the Caledonia Bandanna-Canadians for bringing this double standard into the light where it belongs.

1 Comment:

Anonymous said...

I like to chop up Bandanas in my All-Bran.