Monday, May 8, 2006

Allah, your base are belong to us

This one goes out to "community naysayers" who maintain that totalitarian dictatorships cannot create new things, and can only twist values and technologies provided to them by free countries. Yahoo tells us that Islamists using US video games in youth appeal.

"What we have seen is that any video game that comes out ... they'll modify it and change the game for their needs," said Dan Devlin, a Defense Department public diplomacy specialist...

"Battlefield 2" ordinarily shows U.S. troops engaging forces from China or a united Middle East coalition. But in a modified video trailer posted on Islamic Web sites and shown to lawmakers, the game depicts a man in Arab headdress carrying an automatic weapon into combat with U.S. invaders.

"I was just a boy when the infidels came to my village in Blackhawk helicopters," a narrator's voice said as the screen flashed between images of street-level gunfights, explosions and helicopter assaults.
Terrorist lifestyle experts tell us that this phenomenon began with the release of the DoD's PC video game "America's Army". It was a big hit among young would-be Heaven's Studs throughout the Umma. It was fun for about an hour, but jihadist gamers eventually found it boring to play as an infidel because the gameplay was too repetitive. Sure, making your crusader run into enemy fire over and over again in the first five seconds of the first level is more fun than watching last year's beheading highlights for the fiftieth time, but the gameplay's longevity just wasn't there. Parents watching over their as-yet-unmartyred childrens' shoulders may have been impressed by the graphics, but in the end it was basically the same game they themselves had played 25 years earlier, "feed the greedy Jew Pac-Man to the four avenging djinni of the Caliphate".

The history of jihadist gaming all changed one day thanks to the efforts of one computer nerd working alone. Rafiq al-Fourize was known to his fellows as "boy least likely to write his name in crimson vapor". While the other children were learning to carry assault rifles, hate everything that doesn't explode, and long for a murderous death, Rafiq was learning how to reverse engineer software and mod games. The tribe laughed at the folly of this (apparent) weakness and pathetic failure to embrace death and hatred. Many were the times Rafiq feared that the armed gangs routinely pounding on his family's door would catch him and shoot him for the sheer pleasure of seeing him plead for his life.

Eventually Rafiq was indeed taken away, but his pleading was effective enough that he was honoured with the mission of blowing up an Electronics Boutique in Haifa instead of just being shot on the street outright. The discriminatory, racist policies of the Israeli Army led to his murder at the hands of the enemy before he could successfully complete his mission, but his software lives on thanks to a sharp-eyed looter. His cheeky expansion to the popular video game "The Sims 2", called "The Sims 2: Into The Sea!" was widely copied post-mortem. It is reportedly a favourite of Ayman al-Zawahiri himself. Players all over the Middle East have enjoyed the challenge of reclaiming the neighbourhood from the sons of pigs and monkeys, house by house.

The story of jihadist video games is just beginning, though all offerings up to this point have been mere mods to games produced by infidels. How far will they take it? Can we expect any original games from the jihadist development community?

It doesn't look too good. Development on a 3D game engine called "Vengeance Fire", purportedly able to convincingly model all four billion future beheadees in real time, was halted when the lead developer was stoned to death for attempting to emulate God.

1 Comment:

Pietr said...

Awfully slow today;perhaps the 4 billions are all trying to access blogspot at once?
Anyway, it's nothing new;when I was 12 I was in France, playing an arcade game where you were the nightfighter shooting down the Lancaster bombers.
Charming.