Thursday, April 27, 2006

Same-primate marriages

From the Spain Herald:

The Spanish Socialist Party will introduce a bill in the Congress of Deputies calling for "the immediate inclusion of (simians) in the category of persons, and that they be given the moral and legal protection that currently are only enjoyed by human beings." The PSOE's justification is that humans share 98.4% of our genes with chimpanzees, 97.7% with gorillas, and 96.4% with orangutans.

The party will announce its Great Ape Project at a press conference tomorrow. An organization with the same name is seeking a UN declaration on simian rights which would defend ape interests "the same as those of minors and the mentally handicapped of our species."

According to the Project, "Today only members of the species Homo sapiens are considered part of the community of equals. The chimpanzee, the gorilla, and the orangutan are our species's closest relatives. They possess sufficient mental faculties and emotional life to justify their inclusion in the community of equals."
Membership in the community of equals makes apes eligible for assistance in community training for demanding government handouts and minority rights, in gratitude for which they are expected to exercise their franchise to support their sponsors in the Socialist Party. Typical of socialists, though… it's not that they think apes are as high a life form as humans but that humans are as low as apes.

Via Jeff Goldstein, who asks,
Will the UN go along? Most likely. After all, issuing such a declaration is a lot easier than dealing with, say, African genocides or Iranian nukes. And every official UN declaration—no matter how silly—is followed by brie, bread, and wine. So it’s a win-win!
Update: As usual, Joe Noory of ¡No Pasarán! picks the socialists apart in a satisfactorily snide and hilarious way:
It proves something which is patently obvious about the Socialism’s “vision” - that if man does have all of his basic needs provided for in some impossible deus ex machina fashion, there is no need to be anything other than a beast obsessed with eating, eliminating, sleeping, reproducing, and with power within a clan. Somehow, I suppose this is supposed to justify something about their notion of man, or perhaps just the normalcy of sticking their opposable thumbs up their asses instead of being productive participants in the real human coexistence project that we call civilization.

Fiddlesticks, Green Goofballs. There is this little detail called free will that you’ve always managed to ignore and show contempt for. That lack of free will is the reason for our concern for them in their innocence. Why undermine it?

This notion that the animal world is a good analog of egalitarian society, and picture gay penguins coexisting with feminism-friendly Bonobo monkeys in the same big union local, I say simply –go camping- for once, and stop picking and choosing species to the exclusion of nature the way you do aspects in reality. Real, non-idealized animals fight over resources and do their best to NOT coexist. This behavior is the last thing greenies think about when they have their faked stigmatas and epiphanies on the environment.

3 comments:

Mack the Plain Little Turtle said...

Anything to keep winning the monkey vote.

Brent Gilliard said...

I can understand chimps, but orangutans? That's just crazy talk.

Pietr said...

I hear they are going to induct Roddy McDowell into the Ape Hall Of Fame.