Tuesday, December 13, 2005

London Fog Election Guide 2006 : LONDON WEST

Ours is a global age, in which national decisions are also international decisions. The London Fog has enlisted four respected members of the international community, representing a broad spectrum of Canadian political opinion, from right-of-centre to moderate. We were lucky enough to find a quartet of internationally renowned figures who differ on many issues, but who all have something to say about London federal politics. And they're not pulling any punches.

Like many of Canada's favourite pundits and media personalities, our guests are well known to be sassy, politically incorrect, and not afraid to step on a few toes to move the discussion forward.


In this instalment, we focus on the important riding of London West. Liberal Sue Barnes is the incumbent.



    Barnes stood up to the American hegemony, in support of the children and women of Canada and against killing the women and children of Iraq for George Bush and Haliburton. We have such women as Sue Barnes here in Venezuela, and they are among our strongest ideological allies in the struggle against imperialism and colonialism. I only wish my own woman would clench her own jaw with such steely, angry determination when faced by the enemies of equality and the profiteers of global death. Sue Barnes, I would wish to wait for you beneath your window at night, playing the gitarra, between my teeth a red orchid, the flower of my country.A
    Sue Barnes? I have never heard of this person. They tell me that in Canada, as here in Cuba, the most important positions are all appointed by the leader of the ruling Party. Google says that Sue Barnes was first elected in 1993, twelve years ago! By the time I have served with a comrade for twelve years I have come to decide whether I would be comfortable appointing him to represent the Party in some official capacity or another. Why does London West keep electing someone who evidently will never provide favours to them at least as a minister, or the overseer of the program of multiculturalism, or the railways? Clearly London requires a more reliable and cunning representative if its people are to receive their share of benefits from the federal government.B-
    politicians are all the same. i figure the more controversial politicians like to rile up their constituency with extreme ideas. this is why stephen harper will never be prime minister, since canadians don't like fundamentalist christians who want to take away their right to choose. sure sue barnes has been a long time member of parliament. sure nobody has ever heard of her. but that's my point. if you can stay in office for that long without making any waves then you're probably the lesser of the evils. and i trust she'll defend health care staunchly against the corporations. B
    I see that the Liberal Party has ruled Canada for many years. I see that appointments to high positions are confined to the oppressed Quebecois. So much power. Why have the English not been driven from their homes? Why do their farms not feed the heroes of a glorious resettlement program? Why do the Liberals help the English enjoy the plenty they deny to their French slaves? I see through you, Liberal Party. You traitors serve the interests of the racist colonialists. You protect their illegitimate tenancy of Canadian land from the anger and justice of your Quebecois kinsmen. You hold state power but you do not defend the helpless. Sue Barnes' parasitic stasis is the perfect symbol for this party of half measures. F


    Is that a knife in your hand, Gina Barber? Do you come to cut the throat of the neoliberal imperialist? Or do you come to cut the lifeline of his hegemony, to cut apart the lying serpent of privatization? Whichever path you strike out upon, I won't stand in your way. A




    Nikita once told me that Stalin would sometimes say, "The woman who can look at power over the lives of millions, and say to herself, 'I will take that', is well-equipped as any man to serve the Revolution." I was a bit shocked by Stalin's sexism at the time, since of course that goes without saying. And it also goes without saying that this is the only choice for progressives in this riding. Still not convinced? At the request of the patrons of the Fred Landon Library, and in the spirit of "Deviant or Different?", I have agreed to free a criminal librarian imprisoned some years ago, into army service -- if you make Gina Barber your MP. A

    gina barber cares. i know of several former students from secret ndp exchange programs and they had all learned the true meaning of sociology. they showed great discipline and performed admirably in the presence of some of my highest generals, when one jokingly invited them to join in on a self-criticism session. this kind of example and leadership is important if canada is ever going to become the canada we all know it can become. can you imagine stephen harper or some other fundamentalist goon taking her classes? question one: why did you cause this election that canadians don't want? oops, you fail, pat robertson. oops, you fail too, stephen harper. gina barber to the head of the class.A
    This is a candidate? I will show you a barber, the barber of humanity, who reshapes the nation. Like the barber, he reshapes the nation with sharp tools, so that the sun may shine on the smiles of the people, without imperialism always getting in their faces. Your capitalist illusion of democracy does not admit such necessary measures. This contest is no contest. It is a contest of all gay long-haired English oppressors. Est-ce que vous me comprenez, madame? No, you are too busy stealing bread from hungry Quebecois mouths to speak the native language. F


    Al Gretzky is precisely the fundamental cause of the great evils and the great tragedies currently suffered by your people: the neoliberal capitalism, the Washington Consensus. All this has generated is a high degree of misery, inequality, and infinite tragedy for all the peoples of Canada. Do you see what I see, rolling down that track? It is one of your VIA trains, owned and operated by the people, full of food and education and popular liberation. Al Gretzky waits further down the tracks with a bundle of dynamite. The explosives are his shrieking demands for the return to a false, racist golden age morality of the past. And this campaign is the fading cry of an old millenium, the fading light of fast-receding constellations of free market lies. F
    Brad Pitt took me to a hockey game in Moscow once. It was very exciting to see the people produce such skill! He told me that in Canada, hockey is an important opiate of the people, and I can see why! In Cuba we only have baseball, as it is impossible to import enough ice. One half of our ice production is used to keep military rations cold and the other half goes in the daiquiris and slushies of the wonderful Canadians who bring me their resort money. It is so warm and beautiful here! There is no need to go out into the snow to vote against right wing extremists who will fire you from your government job. The Cuban government provides free postage for Canadian absentee ballots! D
    sometimes i think that the conservatives get tarred with too much of a "right wing" brush. maybe it's not so much that they're right wing, it's that they're just not ready to run canada. i think it's sad when parties parachute in candidates for the name recognition, and it's even worse when it's just because they have the same last names. what can al gretzky contribute to the debate over urban violence, which will increasingly become significant in london over the life of the next government? he probably doesn't even know who eminem is. let's face it. peter mckay would have found a more qualified, more progressive candidate to serve canada, and on the basis of more than name recognition. canada is a young country, one where the beliefs of past generations can only hold you back. C
    See the Canadians cheer for their foolish game of hockey. This ritualized combat between the French and the English consumes the thoughts of all Canadian and Quebecois peasants. The thought of real revolution is soothed on the field of ice. The hatred of the Quebecois for his English rape-lord is displaced into enthusiasm for this tiresome game. It is the wicked invention of the English capitalist slavetenders. It is no surprise that the Western elite would slap Quebec yet again by nominating this man. He was a celebrated hockey player some thirty-five years ago at the height of the armed struggle against the death-grip of imperialism. The people know their enemies. F


    There are those gifted men of historical authority who guide the people forward, and there are those less anointed by history, who prepare the way for the great leaders with ideas. The Greens are the latter. When I gaze into their eyes, I see none of the cold steel required to achieve their very clever and promising Six Principles. So innocent and literal-minded. The Green Party would be laughed out of an auditorium of Venezuelan freshmen. Senorita Jarabek, there are so many things an experienced older man such as myself could teach you about the meaning of social justice and participatory democracy. Come to my castilla, and I can tell you of the delightful applications of these excellent ideas, over fine wine and organic fair trade steak. B
    One of the best aspects of Canada is your school system. It really does seem to be working! It is heartening to see so many young people in the vanguard of the Green Party. For a while, it was difficult to win new minds to the cause of centralized economies, but this great new "environmentalism" retooling of the eternal struggle for popular authority has reinvigorated the taste for justice among the young in the capitalist world. We don't need this idea in Cuba, since our Revolution has remained strong from the very beginning. The same is true in this riding. With a strong NDP candidate, there is no need to press the environmentalist line forward among the people of London West. A-
    sometimes we get caught up in politics and we forget to step back and look at the big picture. what does it matter whether or not same sex couples can get married if we don't have a planet for them to love each other on? has everyone been so brainwashed by the story of "chicken little" in school that they don't see why it's important to preserve our environment if any of this stuff is going to matter? it's a question of responsibility, one the conservatives have refused to answer all along. all the same the greens are a bit radical for most people who've been brainwashed by television so you'd probably be wasting your vote here. besides, you have a chance to bring canada into the family of enlightened nations with jack layton. i do agree though, it's amazing to see this kind of commitment from young people coming from outside of the dprk. B
    I am not interested in the mystical babbling of Moammar Gadhafi. F

1 Comment:

v said...

Viva el revolution nonviolente contra Pablo "El Culo Sombrero" Martinez y Los Libranos! Viva Esteban "Che" Juan Ponce De Leon Harper y son hermano "Don" Juan Layton! Viva Canada!