LIBERAL LEADER PAUL MARTIN The Liberal Party believes in a strong Canada built on the principle that the occasional surplus of atoms in random motion striking one side of the lever will cause the ratchet to move, and make the shaft rotate. The top experts agree that this is the road Canada must take. We have worked for this system and our record is one of great pride and achievements for all groups in this country. And I see the will to make this bold plan work in the faces of the people I'm out there talking to every day. The number one job of the Prime Minister is to keep that shaft rotating for all Canadians, no matter their socioeconomic status, the colour of their skin, or their sexual preference. Canadians are not fooled. They know Stephen Harper, with his simplistic American-style "magnets for the rich" philosophy, will never show leadership by defending that Canadian value. Only the Liberal Party can do that.
CONSERVATIVE LEADER STEPHEN HARPER The Liberal vision of Canada is complicated and incomprehensible to most Canadians without a degree in legal physics. They like it because there are a lot of corners they can cut to give favours to their friends. But in the end it's unworkable for ordinary Canadians. Conservatives have down-to-earth solutions to the problems facing taxpayers. We will never move forward until a powerful magnet is attached to the front of the car on a steel rod. This kind of common sense solution to economic stagnation is anathema to the Liberals. But don't let them fool you. This is not just a Conservative idea. Paul Martin endorsed the theory of magnetic autolocomotion back in 1994, in an unguarded moment even referring to his party's ratcheting means of rotating the shaft as "Alberta-grade fucking bullshit". He's flip-flopped so many times it's hard to keep track of where he stands on these fundamental questions of social priorities. We need to get moving, instead of dithering and handing millions to Liberal operatives for years without a single shaft rotation to show for it. It's time to focus on other priorities and get rolling. Help the Conservative Party build this magnet for all Canadians.
NDP LEADER JACK LAYTON The Liberals and their fatcat cronies want to trick Canadians into believing that their system of pulleys and ratchets can keep rotating the shaft in the new economy of the twenty-first century. The NDP sees a new future for Canadians, a future in which a giant wheel with weighted arms continues to turn forever. Canadians believe that the arms should be positioned so that each arm falling in turn on the rising side provides enough force to bring the next arm into position to fall. The NDP understands these priorities. Earlier today I met with Sheira Nkwekwe, a woman of colour, and Rick Philips, a gay man, and they both urged me to work together with the other parties to build this dream for Canadians. You know, I am so proud to represent the NDP, to represent the hope represented by each inexorable click of each weighted arm bringing jobs, benefits, and justice to ordinary Canadians. It's time for a new approach. Vote NDP.
BLOC QUEBECOIS LEADER GILLES DUCEPPE 'Hwee agree wid da 'HenDP dat hin general da 'heternal counterclockward motion 'his da key to bring da progress 'hand da jobs 'hand da prosperity to da Kebeckers, but you must understand dat 'hin Kebec we yave da different way of doing things in our 'hown culture. Da four ball between Ah and Bay, dey weigh more den da two ball between Bay and Say, 'hand da ball 'har 'hevenly divided 'hin Ah Day, Day Say. Alors da ball 'hon da lef' side are more heavier, 'hand 'hall go 'hin da counterclockward direcsyo. Dis 'his da vision 'hof da Bloc, 'hand wheder Canadian will 'elp 'hus 'hachieve it 'his 'hup to them. So for example although we do not agree dat da weighted 'harm 'hare necessary, we will work wit da NDP or da Conservative when it is in da interest of Kebeckers.