Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Astronaut adjusts Hockey Star's Canada Day funding formula

The new chairman of Canada Day celebrations in Quebec admits complaints from other provinces prompted Ottawa to reduce funding to the province this year. Marc Garneau, head of the Canadian Space Agency, replaces former hockey star Serge Savard. He says the budget for Quebec has been reduced from five million dollars last year to 3.2 million because other provinces wanted more funding. The federal Heritage Department’s budget for all Canada Day events across the country this year is 7.5 million dollars, which means Quebec will still get over 40 per cent of the total.
Does this mean that federal feel-good advertising-agency-friendly spending projects are not based on sound financial returns on investment principles? Crikey! No, it can't be. Darcey at Dust my broom, from whom I shamelessly copied the astronaut-bureaucrat-replaces-hockey-star-bureaucrat story above, is clearly a wet fish, or wet blanket or something:
I may be talking out of my butt, but why is the lion’s share going to a province where an emerging majority of the people don’t want to be in Canada anyways?
At least with festivities like the Why Canada is a Racist Shithole-themed Canada Day competition in Mitchieville, the money I didn't really deserve to have in the first place is being well spent in Ontarry-oh. How can you go wrong with programs like this?
Our beloved Mayor has just received a generous grant from Festivities-Canada to the tune of $133,500.10. This is great! And, of course, our proud community will be presenting the Liberal Party of Canada with a check for $13,350.01 at the Canadafest in way of saying thank you.

As part of the festivities, the Canadafest Committee is calling for essays from our diverse, poly-gendered community. This years theme is Why Canada is a Racist Shithole. Entries should be on at least three pages of paper, and in any language except English. Attention will be paid to the themes of Outrage, Inadequate Social Spending, and Racism in Public Transit. Letters of reference from parole officers, social workers, life skills tutors, and members of parliament will be considered in the competition.