Friday, April 15, 2005

How to maintain your rod

An expensive way to elicit laughter. Not funny.

Hat tip: Neale News. From the Globe and Mail:

In a rare moment of levity at the Gomery inquiry, Sylvain Lussier, the federal government's lawyer, played radio ads for which the sponsorship program paid nearly $14-million in an effort to increase Ottawa's visibility in Quebec.

Mr. Lussier was arguing that the government didn't get its money's worth for the millions it paid businessman Luc Lemay.

Guffaws erupted at the inquiry as a cheery recorded voice announced a tip from a fishing magazine owned by Mr. Lemay:

"If the inside of the guide ring is scratched, if the line has been exposed to the sun for too long or if it was in contact with insecticides, there's a good chance you could seriously shorten the life of your fishing line. Which is why you should check your line and change it at least once a season."

At the end, the ad concluded, "The government of Canada wishes you a happy fishing time." It was the only part of the commercial in which the government was mentioned.

Mr. Lussier noted the radio spots helped promote Mr. Lemay's magazine. Other spots gave air time to a first-aid organization, a notary and an insurance broker, however, only Ottawa paid for the ads. "So everyone got a free commercial, except the government of Canada," Mr. Lussier said.
What you mean is everyone but the government and their appointed buddies got ripped off. Like maybe the government should have been keeping on eye on the agencies to make sure they were doing the job they were hired to do?
The transcript for another radio spot tabled at the inquiry urged Quebeckers to eat more vegetables. "Did you know that onions have diuretic qualities?" it read. "Onion and garlic have soothing qualities. They relieve sore throats, colds and laryngitis. In the same family, shallots help sleep. Garlic stimulates appetite. Garlic, chives and shallots and onions are excellent for blood circulation. . . . the government of Canada urges you to eat well."
How are we to pay for groceries while the government continues pillaging us all? But I guess onions are cheap and can be grown in the communal plot with relative ease. Better stock up on onions folks, 'cause if you get sick there won't be a doctor available to help you.
The first communities to receive new family health teams will be announced by the Ontario government today as the province moves to address a severe doctor shortage, Health Minister George Smitherman said yesterday. The health teams will change the way Ontarians receive care by having doctors work in groups with others such as nurses and dietitians.

"It will help our people to stay healthier in the first place," Smitherman said.
Banning smoking ought to do the trick. The gimp has words of reassurance for us as well. CTV reports:
"Ontario families, including thousands who could not find a family doctor, will now have access to doctors, nurses and other health-care professionals who will not only treat them when they're sick, but do more to keep them healthy in the first place," McGuinty said in this community near Belleville, Ont.

In addition to the 52 family health teams, three new networks of family health teams will be created, McGuinty said.
Yes, the government will continue to take appropriate steps to keep us all healthy. Dalton and crew are really committed to ensuring our well-being.


How are these glorified walk in clinics Family Health Teams, recommended by the health care guru of Canada, Roy Romanow, to solve the shortage?
Family health teams are groups of health professionals who work in the same office to provide a full range of care to patients 24-hours-a-day, seven-days-a-week.

They involve a range of health professionals including doctors, nurses, nurse practitioners, and possibly pharmacists, physiotherapists, chiropractors, dieticians, and nutritionists.

Physicians working in this kind of interdisciplinary group practice see up to 52 per cent more patients than those working in a solo practice, the government said.
Wow! And I thought doctor visits were short as it was. Just imagine if private clinics were allowed in this province! Why, a doctor might spend a whole half hour consulting with individual patients! That wouldn't be fair - the name of the game is to reduce the line, while maintaining equal access for all.

Better stock up on those onions people of Ontario.

4 comments:

Mike said...

How do you say "Family Health Team" in North Korean?

basil said...

"Smitherman"

Mike said...

Since actual MDs are now too expensive to share with ordinary Canadians, maybe we can trade some "carbon credits" for a few of these from our North Korean health care allies? Think of all the savings we could put into Public Day Care and Swiss accounts.

Curative Plastic Sheets Developed
Pyongyang, April 11 (KCNA) -- Curative plastic sheets Nos. 1 and 2 have been developed by scientists in the textile field of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. They are polypropylene and polyethylene sheets treated in an electronic way. With the sheets one can cure various diseases by oneself in any places without medical apparatuses and medicines.
When they are pasted to the points to be treated, it helps recover the function of abnormal minute electric current, damaged cells and tissues in human body and activate metabolism.
Sheet No.1 is for external wounds such as gash, abscess and burn and sheet No. 2 for internal diseases such as contusion, bone fracture, neuralgia, indigestion, stomach cramps and inflammation.
The years of clinical test shows that patients who had long suffered from sore finger and tympanitis recovered health with one-time use of the sheet and obstinate simple necrosis patients with six-time use. And babies under six months cured pneumonia with the help of the sheets.

basil said...

Were it not for complete government control of the medical system such great advances for the people would not be made. Not enough funding is made available for such progressive treatments in short-sighted free market societies, in which people expect 'scientific proof' when seeking medical treatment.
Unfortunately, traditional faith-healing has been rendered near obsolete in our own society, so we must pressure the Canadian government to pursue further research into the metaphysical properties of plastics.