Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Dog eat dog

From: "MR OTUMBA DICKSON"
Reply-To: xxxxxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.xx.xxx
To: thelondonfog@hotmail.com
Subject: FROM OTUMBA DICKSON, CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY.
Date: Tue, 26 Apr 2005 03:42:36 +0100

FROM CONTINENTAL BANK
BENIN, REPUBLIC 'DU BENIN
AVENUE JEAN-PAUL 11 CARREFOUR
DES 3 BANQUES COTONOU BENIN

ATTN SIR/MADAM,

RE: TRANSFER OF FUND.

CONSEQUENTLY I HAVE IN MIND TO USE YOUR POSITION TO MOVE TO YOUR END AMOUNT USD60M THIS FUND BELONGS TO MR ROBERT PIERRE A BELGIUM NATIONAL DEALING ON MOTOR SPARE PARTS HERE IN BENIN REPUBLIC WHO DIED AS A RESULT OF PLANE CRASH IN 2001 I DISCOVERED THIS FUND IN MY BANK DURING THE AUDITING EXERCISE ON OCTERBER 2003.

MY INVESTIGATION PROVED TO ME THAT NO OTHER PERSON KNOWS ABOUT THIS ACCOUNT OR ANY THING CONCERNING IT AS WELL AS THE ACCOUNT HAS NO TRACE OF OTHER BENEFICIARY THEREFORE I SEEK FOR YOUR STRICT ASSISTANCE TOWARDS THIS MATTER.

QUICKLY FURNISH ME YOUR ACCOUNT PARTICULLARS FOR IMMEDIATE REMITTANCE OF THE SAID FUND IN YOUR FAVOUR AS YOU WILL BE PRESENTED TO MY BANK AS THE SOLE BENEFICIARY OF THE FUND.

CONFIRM YOUR CAPABILITY TOWARDS THIS EFFECT AS I WISH TO INVEST PART OF THE FUND ON A HOUSING PROJECT CONSEQUENT UPON THE CONFIRMATION OF THE FUND IN YOUR ACCOUNT.

FINALY YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY AND TRUSTWORTHINESS IS HIGHLY REQUIRED IN THIS MATTER AS I HAD BEEN INITIALY DISSAPOINTED BY A GENTLEMAN FROM USA WHO CLAIMS TO ASSIST ME TOWARDS THIS TRANSACTION FROM AMERICA AFTER THE TRANSFER OF THE FUND USD30MILLION I HAD NOT HEARD FROM THE GENTLEMAN ANYMORE AND THE TELEPHONE AND FAX HE GAVE ME HAD BEEN CHANGED AND NO WAY TO LOCATE HIM SO DEAR I KNOW YOU CAN BE TRUSTED AS ONE BEATEN TWICE SHY.

I WILL APPRECIATE YOUR KIND ASSISTANCE URGENTLY SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED TOWARDS THE REMAINING USD30MILLION TO YOUR DESIGNATED ACCOUNT.
THIS IS THE ACCOUNT THE FUND WAS TRANSFERED AND TILL TODAY I HAD NOT GOT ANY INFORMATION FROM THE USA INVESTOR FOR CONFIRMATION.

BEST REGARDS.

MR OTUMBA DICKSON.
CONTINENTAL BANK BENIN

From : London Fog
Sent : April 26, 2005 11:25:21 PM
To : xxxxxxxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.xx.xxx
Subject : RE: FROM OTUMBA DICKSON, CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY.
Dear Mr Dickson,

This is incredible! Your proposal could not have arrived at our offices at a better time. Perhaps you were contacted by Jean-Claude, and are writing to me about the very urgent Party matter to which I have entrusted his entire stock of human resources.

Let me explain the situation in hopes of making you understand that I am the right person for this transaction and an honest business partner in the truest Canadian sense, genuinely appreciative of the full nature of this kind of transaction. I know very well what it feels like to be in your shoes, arranging this sort of generous financial deal with wonderful, guileless people. I send this to you in deepest prayer that you will forgive my polite skepticism as a fellow businessman, and hear me out.

I am the federal representative for Central Ontario Southwest here in Canada, but more importantly, I am a long-time Liberal Party operative. As you may have heard, of late the ingratitude and scrutiny of a gang of right-wing reactionaries has made it very difficult and unsafe to fund our operations in our traditional way. These same forces simultaneously block the establishment of new profitable commercial endeavours such as National Child Care. Worse yet, they stand in the way of our Kyoto commitments to certain Eastern European "private businessmen" who do not appreciate being toyed with by what they see as soft Canadian trough-goers who have never even killed a man to get where we are! Let me tell you, this whole situation has given me many sleepless nights -- those guys are very serious about environmentalism and timetables for global change in a way that many Canadians cannot appreciate. I hope that you and I can find better understanding together! I can tell by the tone of your message that you have a more refined, Canadian-style sense of what it means to play hardball.

You must already feel terribly sorry for us in our predicament -- but now, these same right-wing bigots are threatening a hostile political takeover of our business interests! This, at the same time as the scrutiny of ignorant minds blocks the usual channels by which we raise funds to advertise ourselves to Canadians! Truly, your business proposal is a sign from Providence that we truly are the Natural Governing Party.

Although we do indeed have a great deal of cash, it is quite difficult to invest it here owing to the loose lips of certain former associates who have disclosed our business strategies to those who wish us harm and do not respect the tremendous achievements we have made in expanding the parameters of what a government can be.

In short, Mr Dickson, the future of our business is in danger. We are dire need of a large sum of untraceable money, and your proposal would go a long way. I must admit that I am a little bit curious as to how this transaction will be completed. Would you explain to me the mechanism by which I may acquire this sum in diligence and confidence? I trust you will understand that it is against Party protocol to give secret banking information to complete strangers, however trustworthy they may appear when compared to a representative of the Canadian people such as myself. We do have a number of accounts suitable for situations similar to this one, but we are accustomed to doing this sort of transaction within our own borders, where we have full shredder access to incriminating documents. As such I have not yet mentioned your proposal to any of my partners, and await your permission to involve their assistance.

My friend, I am very eager to explore new sources of funding, out of need, avarice, and multicultural goodwill. Before I continue this transaction I wanted to make sure you are not some kind of two-tier fanatic playing a cruel joke on us. I will need your assurance that you support the Liberal Party and are sincere in your proposal.

As Godfather Bonnano once told a group of us back when we were as young and idealistic as the most literal-minded Green fresh out of our universities, "Follow the money". As a Liberal, I have endeavoured to live by this credo throughout my long years serving the Party, and I would be greatly remiss not to enquire deeper into your proposal now in its hour of greatest need.

I hope you will endeavour to provide more details soon, as I am a very busy man, and some of those around me are getting very nervous about keeping all this cash around that sometimes it's a little bit scary even to an old school operator such as myself.

Yours in surfeit,

Dr. Thelo N. Donfog, M.P.
Ottawa, Ontario
K1P 1A1

2 comments:

EclectEcon said...

Brilliant!

Good for a great laugh!

Thanks!

basil said...

Absolutely evil.