Sunday, March 27, 2005

Perpetual motion machine to energize downtown?

LONDON city council was pleased to announce that construction on a massive $11 million perpetual motion device will go ahead as planned.

"This is an investment for our community, as well as our city, and I think our commitment to new power sources and the well-being of society illustrates that," said Mayor DeCicco. "What better way to revive downtown and save the environment than with an enormous new source of clean and sustainable energy? Once again, London leads the way into the future."

Leaked blueprints show that the proposed hydraulic perpetual motion device is based on a new technology that harnesses the energy of falling water to produce an endless source of prosperity and community-based awareness.

"It truly is an amazing and novel idea that is sure to revive downtown and bring in needed tourism," said an unnamed City Hall staffer. "I don't know why no one has thought of this before. The momentum of the falling water is continuously used to propel the water back up along the watercourse, until it falls again. The travelling caravan of physicists who sold us the plans for this generator showed Council the most beautiful computer animation. Londoners should be proud of a city government that is able to think outside the box and reach for new horizons."

Some concerns have been raised in the community about the practicality of the controversial project. Environmentalists are concerned about the ecological impact of evaporating dihydrogen oxide fumes, while poverty advocates worry that perpetual motion technology may put the most vulnerable out of work.

City hall science experts assure Londoners that they are setting up a $2,500,000 task force to explore this issue and ensure the safety of the community and the disadvantaged.

Council is still debating the donation of several City properties to attract perpetual motion scientists to London, and whether to begin accepting tenders for perpetual-motion-science-based solutions to the city's snowplowing controversies and issues.

"Londoners have a choice," said Controller Russ Mantooth. "Science is very important to our community and our economy, and our investments as a community have to reflect this prioritization as an issue in order for London to remain a world-class destination."

1 Comment:

basil said...

Did you know that the seemingly randomly placed sculptures outside the JLC are, in fact, markings denoting an alien "Workshop" beneath the JLC? London is, once again, on the edge.